Wow. Just wow. That's all I can say. What an insanely great weekend of March Madness. The upsets were absolutely astounding, and I'm certain we'll talk about the 15 seeds for years to come. What occurred this weekend exemplifies what exactly is mad about this month.
Oh, before I go any further, I'm not talking about the basketball event, because why bother. Instead, I'm actually referring to my version of March Madness, the version where I go around my apartment, grab random items and cue up the John Philip Sousa and have them engage in march offs. Sure, many of these items are inanimate objects and/or my cats, but when that “Stars and Stripes Forever” gets a-rockin' they start-a marching'.
And by marches, I mean I move them about in a vaguely tea party like fashion, complete with talking to the inanimate object and coming up with responses for them to have. It's captivating. Who ever sasses me back the best or I don't have a mortal hatred of wins. Sorry mushrooms, you will always repeatedly lose the first round.
With that out of the way, let's get to some of the great March Madness madness that we've already encountered so far during this event that has nothing to do with basketball and everything to do with my compromised mental state.
|Scene from the thrilling march pitting girlfriend's shoe|
vs. season four of Dave Foley-starrer "NewsRadio"
The march that will go down in history is when my salvaged Zune took to the field. Already it's defying all logic, because really, who has Zune? But it became even more shocking when it started playing its own music. Technically this is cheating, because Sousa has little in the cannon of Dexy's Midnight Runners, but that sheer gumption will go down in history as it beat a piece of gum in its march.
Another match saw 15 sunflower seeds perform a Turkish waltz. Nobody thought they stood a chance, especially up against something as deliciously awesome as its competitor, French Silk Pie. They didn't have water or dirt or anything, but man, did they get destroyed. People just don't like seeds, and pie is just amazing. Sure, none of them marched, but it will go down in history as one of the worst matchups in the history of March Madness, which I just started doing this year.
Not too surprisingly the bracket for the Sweet 16 looks rather sweet. Anyone filling out brackets for this event probably should have guessed that though. When the main things I have in my apartment are sweet things, and the main things I like are also sweet (they go hand in hand), we are going to have a truly sweet Sweet 16.
That round will see drama with the following matchups—Sprocket(2) vs. Yellow #5(14). Kibble n Bits n Bits n Bits(15) vs. Gunk they ate in the “real world” in the 1999 box office smash “The Matrix(12).” Candy necklace(3) vs. Astronaut Ice Cream(5). Duke(2) vs. Soylent Green(7). Five pound bag of sugar vs. Calisthenics (concept of)(4). Cookie Dough(1) vs. Rubbing Alcohol(14). Banagrams(1) vs. Actual Alcohol(4).
Stay tuned to hear the thrilling conclusion. Who will walk away with the victory title and who will be declared the best marcher in all of the land (my apartment).
… it will be the five pound bag of sugar.