WoW--that's a heckuva bizarre prank

Hey, it's Kevin here, and I just wanted to thank everyone for reading BreakMentalDown.com, and it's been a great ride, but I'm closing up the blog. I realize this is going to disappoint sevens of people, but it's just something I need to do to get my life back in order. Now would be the perfect time to perform a parody rendition of “Dust in the Wind.”

Ahhhh, early April Fool's! You can't get rid of me that easily! And don't worry, this isn't actually my big prank. I'm trying to keep things under wraps, but let me just say I have been watching “Silence of the Lambs” religiously.

In celebration of the most prankiest times of the year (right behind Arbor Day—“Yeah, I'll plant a tree, because I really care about the environment, BAHAHAHAHA”) I've decided to recount one of my greatest pranks of all time.

During my junior year of college, my roommate was a World of Warcraft player. He had built up whatever the bestest characters were and was well respected within the WoW community. But then school work and sex piled up on him and he dropped out of the game.

Unfortunately, I had already purchased him a Christmas present—a “hoard” pin, his WoW faction—from Hot Topic. With him out of the game, it became an even odder situation for how I could actually give him the pin. It just would seem odd to flip it to him and say, “Hey Pete, here's an emblem of that game you used to play! Merry Christmas and enjoy!”

Fortunately, during final's week, an expansion beta came out and Pete started WoWing again. I knew he had one of his tests at 8 AM and would not arrive back at Casa De Kevin until around 10. I dropped the pin into an envelope. I then took some red finger paint (which I had purchased specifically for this purpose) and wrote “Welcome Back.” The topper for this setup came when I placed it in our entryway and made it look like someone had slipped it under our door.

Dramatic recreation of "Hoard" envelope.

When 10 o'clock rolled around, I went in my room and shut the door and pretended to sleep. As a result, I experienced the next couple actions by sound and imagination only. I hear the door open. I hear the sound of an envelope slide across the floor. I hear a pretty reserved “What the fuck?” He then must have bent down and picked up said envelope. This prompted another “What the fuck?” The glorious sound of an envelope tearing emanates through my room. As the pin comes out of the envelope, I am met with the most satisfying string of “What the fuck? What the FUCK? WHAT THE FUCK?”s ever.

At this point, I walked out of my room smiling. One look at my grin prompted him to say “I hate you,” and walk off into his room.