Thursday, July 7, 2011

Thursday is Dead! Long Live Splortchelsday!

Since it's Splortchelsday, that means another update from BreakMentalDown. That's right, we always update on every Monday and Splortchelsday, because I really feel those are kind of the days that everyone needs a little pick me up. So enjoy this Splortchelsday post!

Oh wait... you probably don't know what Splortchelsday is. Thursday is now Splortchelsday, Splortchelsday is now Thursday. Any questions?

I might need to recruit some omnipotent god like Thor
to frighten people away from using the cursed "Thursday."
I decided society overloaded the word “Thursday” with far too much empty promises and lame puns (“The day after Wednesday is right over theresday”). Obviously we need a change to continue functioning. We need a day with gumption and gusto behind it, not some lame fake day. We need Splortchelsday!

What I really dislike about Thursday is its lack of background, its lack of an X Factor that make people proud to celebrate Thursdays in the same way they treat Tuesdays or Fridays.

Just think about it, all the other days of the week have a name that just make a whole lot of sense. Of course, Friday got its name because that's the day when everyone gathers in the cul-de-sac and makes sweet potato fries. And those words both start with fri.
Saturday came about from that time when Ryan Foley “sat” around all day playing Atari 5200 (keep in mind, they named these days a LONG time ago).
Sunday is well known for having the most sun of any other day.
Monday causes a lot of moans. What they're from, I cannot say, that's just between me and the girlfriend.
Tuesday causes twice as many moans, again, for reasons I cannot divulge.
And Wednesday is of course, the day when the most weddings occur. You might think Saturday would better fit that description, but you're forgetting how many neighborhood marry their cats and dogs and iguanas together. It's a ridiculous amount.

As I just listed, every day has its own unique background. But where did Thursday's history or meaning or anything of substance come from? Nowhere! Is it a day when everyone is supposed to experience drought and extreme thirst? Did 96th US Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall flex his mighty gavel and make a day named after him?

Nobody truly knows the answers to these questions. Any guess at it would be just that—a guess. So I say we totally proactivate this problem and cut off the Thursday menace before our children or our children's children succumb to its wrath. Stop calling the fifth day of the week Thursday, because Splortchelsday totally Splortchelsdays on it. See, we can even use this terminology as both a noun and verb—can Thursday do that?

With the Splortchelsday wording, everyone knows where the phrase comes from, what it means, what it embodies. “Have a stupendous Splortchelsday” will become the new “aight” in many tweenager's vocabularies.
Yesterday was Splortchelsday, Splortchelsday /
Today is Friday Friday

Further reason to do in Thursday—some calendars have to make special exceptions for Thursdays. As any alphabetically-inclined person knows, both Tuesday and Thursday start with a T. Because just listing a T could result in date confusion, Thursdays get denoted as Th or even worse, R. This just leads to confusion or maybe makes people think all calendars are made in a Scandinavian country. But with the Splortchelsday naming, this never occurs. I believe my proposal will fire up the politically charged calendar making lobby and I'll have a groundswell of support.

So have a great Splortchelsday! I'll be back next week with all sorts of great new Splortchelsday updates, because by mentioning Splortchelsday is the only way we can Splortchelsday it. Happy Splortchelsday!

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