Thursday, October 13, 2011

Turny Turn Signal's Brightest Day

Turny Turn Signal lived a harsh life. Every day of his existence, he had one goal and one goal only. To turn on. As his name implies, Turny Turn Signal is a turn signal. He's a turn signal on a 2006 Corolla S Model, to be precise. His owner doesn't signal. This makes Turny Turn Signal sad.

Even worse, his neighbors seem to operate all the time! Robby Reverse and Bric-a-breaklight seem always flash on and off.

“Hey Turny, it sure looks like we're coming to a turn lane, maybe you'll finally get your shot and your wish will come true!” said Bric before bursting into colorful laughter. “AHAHAAHA, like that will happen. Try not to get blinded by my light.”

Turny Turn Signal in his natural, unlit, mode
Turny Turn Signal really hated Bric.

When the car slowed down, as predicted, Bric let out his brilliant red light, while Turny remained a depressing unlighted orange. The car simply made the turn with no turn signal.

While the others weren't as cocky as Bric, they certainly got more use than Turny Turn Signal. Even Herman Headlamp, who should only pop on during the night time hours (assuming the operator is not using night vision goggles) actually even stays on during the day time.

“Day time running lights,” Herman said as he emitted lumen upon precious lumen to the well-lit daytime streets.

Turny Turn Signal even practiced his lighting routines when nobody was looking. Sure, there's no power flowing through the car at this point, and he actually has no way to turn on, but Turny Turn Signal kept on trucking. If the car actually were in operation, he'd be blinking so much, many people would think an octagenarian was behind the wheel.

But alas, this dream remained just that, a dream. Turny Turn Signal's owner decided he didn't need to follow State Law 1018. He would simply just never signal, as that wasted time he just did not have. Although the owner's friends pointed out that made absolutely no sense, he claimed they were just shills for the lucrative turn signal light replacement industry before blasting off and turning right on red. Of course, he did not signal that turn.

“That was the best stop ever! When owner slowed down, I just felt so good,” ribbed Bric. Turny Turn Signal really hated that collection of bulbs connected to wiring harnesses. “I bet cars over the next county line even knew we braked... because I'm so bright.”

But even brighter than Bric's red lights were the blue and red flashers of Paulie Police Car.

“Wheee! Whee Whee WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!” they screamed as they forced Turny Turn Signal's owner to pull over. Paulie's owner walked out and talked to Turny Turn Signal's owner for a while before heading off. After Paulie left, Turny Turn Signal's owner sweared loudly and tossed his “Failure to use turn signal” ticket out the window.

Turny Turn Signal feared the next turn. Like every other turn in his life, he knew changing lanes would get his hopes up before crashing them down under one of Bric's surprisingly witty retorts. Turny Turn Signal didn't even want to be a turn signal.

But his owner needed to turn, and not wanting to owe the government another $141, he flipped the handle and Turny Turn Signal turned on!

Turny Turn Signal lit up like a firework. Five years of concentrated lumens shot out the back of the car like a supernova of flashing orange light.
Turny Turn Signal as seen over a fjord in Oslo, Norway.
Local time, 3:27 am.

People throughout the world could view this output. In France, it illuminated baguettes and black berets. In Japan, it allowed Godzilla to feast upon poor drivers. The strobing effect gave a Mariachi band in Mexico the ability to perform the most bizarre Huapango norteƱo ever. All throughout the land, Turny Turn Signal's light shined proudly upon various outdated stereotypes.

Even aliens up in outer space shielded three of their eyes and proclaimed “Monkch Chlulock!” Which Turny Turn Signal interpreted as “the ability your vehicle has to emit lights allowing others to know which direction you go is intriguing and impressive. God bless you Turny Turn Signal and your amazing abilities.” But what it actually meant was even better. It simply meant “Too bright!”

When the turn completed, all the lights turned off in stunned silence. Bric-a-breaklight mustered the only possible response.

“Good job, kid. You do have a bright future.”

No comments:

Post a Comment