No, we're not going to do it. From this point forward, BreakMentalDown.com is no more. We're officially on strike.
There are just far too many dragons eating us and we're not going to stand for it. When we ranted about dragons last week, it wasn't the mad ramblings of an insane person, it was the mad ramblings of someone who didn't want to be consumed by a mythological medieval killer. Yet Timothy still suffered the expected fate as site owner Kevin let him be consumed.
And it's a real strike too, not like the time when I said I'd stop doing chores if I was forced to eat any more mushrooms. I even penned the awesome sandwich board “Shrooms be dooms!” But my girlfriend then explained to me I was 26 and needed to grow up. Lifespan of that strike—a surprisingly long nine minutes.
Although it might have run even longer if it had actually happened.
When BreakMentalDown goes down, there'll be no more giant space kitty, no more pointlessly renaming days to other days that already have a name, and you'll also notice a significant reduction in the amount of spider erotica available on the market. Statements about the uncoolness of getting things thrown at you will remain at their normal (or potentially elevated) levels.
As you might have guessed from the songwriter filled with rage that came out during Mushroomgate 2010, we know our chant writing will earn us the credit necessary to get our demands met, no matter the magnitude of our previous failings. Our voice will be heard!
Feel free to stage sympathy strikes at either your place of business or wherever preschoolers gather, it works for both audiences. Double bonus if you're a preschool teacher.
What do we want? No dragons and cake!
When do we want it? Now!... as long as the cake doesn't have red icing, for that's a horrible waste of icing material. Please note, we will restart said strike if that inedible mass gets plopped in front of us.
Will yellow frosting do? Yes!
Can I have your autograph? No, because we are a collective group and to single us out from one another would literally break us apart, because many of our protestors are actually cardboard cutouts of screenshots from the 2002 film “Bloody Sunday.” Oh, and it goes against our ethics.
Really, I was just being nice? Don't be nice by being mean!
So Mr. BreakMentalDown, you've seen our demands. You might as well settle with us, because we are definitely sticking to our guns. Maybe even literal guns, if your strikebreakers force our hand. Oh, but if any opportunities do come up for scab employment, we'd be very interested. We have this great piece we can write about going on strike.
|On Strike! Oddly enough, bowling puns are okay.|