Justin Timberlake launches line of paranoid hats
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NEW YORK, May 14, 2012 /PRNewswire/ -- Anyone who has ever tried to prevent hostile government agents from reading their minds knows it's hard to do. Not just because there are various ways of extracting information in a not-so-pleasant fashion, but also because tin foil hats themselves are a not-so-pleasant fashion. However, with the launch of Justin Timberlake's line of FoilDoras, people no longer have to be paranoid about their fashion, they can be paranoid about their paranoia.
“There are two main things I care about in this world,” says Timberlake. “Fashion and music. But I also care strongly about interplanetary visitors stealing my ideas for... fashion and music.”
FoilDoras not only are fashionably awesome, they prevent the reading of “mind music,” showcasing how this line rests solely within Mr. Timberlake's wheelhouse.
“One of the reasons we NEED to wear tin foil hats is because without them, the aliens can read our minds. Since they can read our minds, they know we know about tin foil hats and will don their own before we can read their minds. We can't let this happen,” said Timberlake, suddenly filled with rage.
Now anyone who fears government and/or alien control can simply don the remarkably cool FoilDora and immediately hit the clubs. The foil outer lining covers an interior of fulled wool. Even on days when there's no fear of mindreading (Tuesdays) people will still want to wear the FoilDora because it just feels so good.
“All people who are crazy wear tin foil hats, but not all tin foil hat wearers are crazy. There's a really fashion forward paranoia audience that we must hit,” says Timberlake of the Michael Kors-designed fedora.
In addition to the wooled interior, the hats feature a stylish pinch front teardrop-shaped crown, with a special pocket for storing state secrets. The aluminum foil is the high quality Reynold's brand. Please note, do not store your AM/FM radio in the hat, as you will not get reception.
Designer Michael Kors was initially sketchy on the hat concept but eventually came to love its design.
“One of the things we most feared with this line is that some people might think it somehow related to Dora the Explorer, just because it's called 'FoilDora.' People seem to think that this is somehow Swiper-related,” says Kors, referring to the diabolical Dora villain. “No, that's just what they want you to think. Don't give in to their power whims. Fight the system.” Kors finished with a triumphant fist raise.
The FoilDora hat will launch in Macy's in June 2012. The best part about it though, we already know you want one, because we can read your mind. You're not wearing a FoilDora. Wear a FoilDora. We know you want to.