Thursday, May 10, 2012

The ULTIMATE in chip flavors

There's an old comedy routine that goes:
“Hey, what's your favorite flavor of kettle chip?”
“Why's that?”
“Because the idiotically crispy nature of kettle chips slashes my tongue, lips, cheeks and
epiglottis. Making everything taste like blood. Solely responsible for much of the AIDS outbreak in the late 1980s.”
“Well, zing!”

Sure, it's not really much of a “joke” per se, but all good humor is based in truth, and the truth is kettle chips suck. They're too thick and stabby for their own good. Many flavors of kettle chips sound good, but they're placed on a layer of blood that nobody will ever consume.

Luckily, there's Ruffles ULTIMATEs, the new line of chips from the brand that does crunchy right. Sure, these aren't technically “kettle chips,” their edibility proves that. It's thick, crisp and crunchy, but this crunchiness comes from just thickening the cut of the chip, not introducing foreign objects like glass and anthracite into the recipe.
Ruffles Ultimates, Chips, Awesome
Ruffles ULTIMATE--Great chip flavor, no AIDS.
There are currently three varieties of Ruffles ULTIMATE, and you really can't go wrong with any of them. There's original, Sweet Smokin BBQ and Kickin' Jalapeno Ranch. I mentioned the Jalapeno Ranch one last, because it needs to stay fresh in your mind. The sheer concept of combining jalapeno and ranch together is already mindboggling awesome, and it excels in both of those flavors.

Set it on top of the improved texture of the ULTIMATE chip, and you're in for a flavor explosion. Seriously, go out, find this chip and love it. Purchase two bags though, because odds are the first one will be devoured before you can even sit back and realize how amazing the chip tastes. In the second bag, subtleties develop. Delicious delicious subtleties. At this point, you can crack into the third.

Really, Ruffles could not have come up with a better name for this than Ruffles ULTIMATE. Try them, they will not disappoint, they will not cut your inner lip and result in some sort of fungal infection that will eventually lead to an Alien-esque chest bursting scene. Ruffles ULTIMATE will not do that to you.

I'll conclude by pointing out that most potato chip reviews don't mention epidemics in the lead paragraph. Well, I think you've probably realized this isn't your “normal” potato chip review, the ULTIMATEness of the Ruffles elevate it above a standard review. Although you've probably never actually read a review of a chipped, fried potato before, so this might just be the new normal.

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