“Hey, do you wanna go behind the bleachers at the high
school and eat some crunchy candy corn?”
If a drug dealer were to say this you, you’d probably think
Walter White had broke further bad and figured some way to make some sort of
orange meth. But when a candy company exec proclaims it, it can only mean one
thing—White Chocolate Candy Corn M&Ms.
While “crunchy candy corn” is one way to describe this candy
frankenfood, there’s another descriptor that’s even better—“Weird. Weirdly
good.”
This might seem like the fondest of praise, but for
something that has so much working against its concept, it’s holding the candy
in high regard.
 |
| You got Candy Corn in my M&M! You got M&M in my Candy Corn! What? Delicious! |
The initial bite is weird. There’s no other way to describe
it. I approached it wondering which flavor would overpower the other. It
shocked me to find out that neither flavors did, they just existed in a
neutrally chocolaty candy corny coexistence. When combined with the crunch of
the candy corn shell, it made for a wholly unique (and weird) taste sensation.
That was my thought on the first bite. I have since gone
through three more bags. In that time I realized “I’ve gone through three bags
of these. They’re not weird, they’re just good!”
How did it come out so well? Sure, the constituent parts are
all amazing—white chocolate AND candy corn—but combining them would just seem
too decadent. But that’s what makes it work so well.
Candy corn on its own is amazing, one of the food of the
gods, ambrosia be damned. White chocolate is an interesting and delicious take
on chocolate, one that says “chocolate is so good, it will be even better
without any chocolate in it.”
Generally with this knowledge, people have no idea what to
do with it. People think “Hmmm, this tastes great on its own, so I should
probably combine it with something that 90 percent of the population hates!” And
this is why there are so many macadamia nut raisin white chocolate affronts to
God.
Combining sweet with sweet works really well, because it
amplifies the awesomeness of both candies.
 |
| Candy always tastes better when its mascot looks ridiculous. |
I really think my girlfriend best summarized the white
chocolate candy corn M&M experience when she had her first (and last) M.
She immediately said “I can feel the cavities forming.” To her, this was an
insult, but to me, this is the reason Halloween, and candy in general, exists.
Nobody approaches candy with the theory that it won’t destroy your gums and
will to live. People approach candy with the idea that it will taste amazingly
awesome and make the 5 figure dental bills totally worth it.
That’s the reason why people who give out toothpaste and
dental floss for Halloween get egged, while the people who give out full size
candy bars see the same kid make slight modifications to his costume so he can
go back and back and back through the line. Those people understand candy;
those people understand the value of having crunchy candy corn. This is why the
deliciousness that is White Chocolate Candy Corn M&Ms should be on everyone’s
mind this holiday season.
So yes, yes I do believe I’ll have some crunchy candy corn.
Behind the high school bleachers you say? Excellent.
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