|Even former Wisconsin Governor|
Jim Doyle celebrates the holiest
Twas the night of Festivus, and all through the Eastern borough,
Not a creature was stirring, not even those yuppies, usually quite thorough.
They say this holiday is for the rest of us,
You, me, and even little Gus.
Most holidays are so bland and stereotypical,
they can't hold a candle to the Festivus miracle.
What's this? Three unwise men brought a bounty of bagels. Bagels, no, Festivus, yes.
For reasons you most certainly can guess.
Despite their transgressions, we welcome them to the table
To regale in the renowned Festivus fable.
When a father set out through the Christmas crowd,
He braved them to make his son proud.
However, when a doll could not be had for a little Costanza,
A tragic end was brought to this stanza.
From that horrible experience, gave rise to Festivus,
A holiday designed for the rest of us.
And with poles of aluminum, feats of strength and the airing of grievance,
The holiday truly lives up to its contrivance.
The pole, that Festivus pole, is truly the holiday's hero.
Free of distracting tinsel, and with a high strength to weight ratio,
Makes us wonder, what can we do as we gather round this pole?
I know! We can prod and critique, slam and cajole.
The airing of grievances shall commence
Who'd like to start and give someone their comeuppance.
“Occupy Wall Street,” the grievances take to the air.
“Occupy Main Street,” comes grievances number two, making an unlikely pair.
“Feats of strength?” says griever number one.
“Feats of strength!” the other piles on.
Festivus isn't over till one is pinned to the ground,
But who knows who could win, they're both so round.
With cheats and lies, griever number one rises to the top.
His victory makes this ridiculous thing stop.
And that right there is the true Festivus miracle.