Blade Runner. The Matrix. Terminator 1,
3 and Salvation. Alien. Predator. Alien vs. Predator Requiem. Alien
vs. Predator. My Girl 2. A Very Care Beary Movie: The Wrath of
Lionel. The Fifth Element.
All of the above depict a very
dystopian version of the future. Volcanoes go off at random, robots
use the bones of man to power their Rube Goldberg devices, Chris
Tucker annoys and trash litters over just about everything.
It is indeed a pretty bleak future, and
this is probably why we refer to it as “dystopian.” But there is
one glimmer of hope in all those bleak times. It comes from the final
clause in the preceding paragraph (and also this paragraph), in the
future, trash litters around on just about everything.
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| Just imagine a future littered with Terminator endoskeletons |
If these movies are to be believed, our
descendants have found a way to truly capitalize on our precious
time. No longer must we walk upwards of 32 feet to find a trash
receptacle. When we're tired of using it, we just drop it. Wind will
blow it away, or acid rain will melt it. No longer must we waste time
for trash management, because litter is the wave of the future.
This might sound horrible, like its
aiding in our untimely demise, but just think about it, if you're
eating a Twinkie while running away from a flesh eating zombie robot,
you're not going to want to take time to throw away that wrapper.
You'll want to drop it and keep running, replete with the power
embued in you from the Twinkie's beef fat. We can fight the robot
masses if we're not busy trying to figure out what to do with our
garbage.
Another great thing, we don't have to
pay garbage men.
I realize I've gotten ahead of myself.
Why is littering such a phenomenal advancement in our society? Just
keep in mind, if we're busy not wasting all of our times trying to
figure out where to throw our trash, we can think up ways to save the
world, like by instituting trash-throwing-away programs or curing
AIDS.
Once the pile of trash starts dwarfing
us, we'll realize this plan is working. It's a little known fact, but
in addition to smelling like roses, trash also serves as an excellent
heat insulator. By merely having a welcoming layer of old issues of
Vogue and pork rind dust coating our homes, we are actually insulated
much better and can turn down the thermostat, thus resulting in a
happier ozone. And happier ozone results in less carcinogenic ways
and less melanoma. Since cancer is bad, litter must be good.
Trash lining all the streets might seem
like it has nothing but positives associated with it, and I'll admit,
this is true. As I've said, we've seen how happy it made everyone in
those dystopian movies. They were in awful situations, but they knew
they had trash, they would survive.
We might even breed some rare form of
super-plague some super-plague-antibiotic-resistant-strain of SARS or
BARS or some other acronym word. We could then use these horrorific
diseases to play fun games like “Who will die on Tuesday?” or
“Jenga.”
As the saying goes, where theres'
super-plague-antibiotic-resistant-strains of SARS, there's
super-plague-antibiotic-resistant rats. I imagine a rat of this
magnitude will be able to do cool things like Kung Fu and talking.
And a radical rat like that can probably use its massively large
brain to figure out a way to prevent the robot uprising and save our
entire existence. Or, at the very least, it could karate chop off
some of the robot's heads and take care of that problem before it
becomes an issue... Splinter?
He just might be our way to survive past 2012.
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| He is a radical rat. |
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