Kevin Nelson's 115th Dream

Generally when I write a blog post, I write about realistic and true things. My journalism background forces me to seek out the truth (Umm... Ermm... Umm... Ohhhh...). But this matter I've encountered sits just on the outskirts of truth and because of that, I must bring it to light.

Fergie, Missy Elliott, Captain America and 72-time Jeopardy champion Ken Jennings must unite. They must unite and form a death metal band that fights crime.

I didn't just manatee ball those names. No, why they must come together is because of an amazing dream I had last night. It started out with just those four in a band, playing their death metal hearts out. Sure, KenJen and Captain America had no musical ability, but no death metal musician really does, so it didn't matter. The sheer awesomeness of seeing such disparate people together more than made up for it. And the fact that nobody could understand them—gravy.

But the death metal extravaganza soon paved way to attack. A giant pill bug rolled in and broke up the concert. Now I'm not sure if this was all part of the show or if former game show winners tend to attract Armadillidiidae that are pissed off at the world. Regardless, our fearless band of bandmates quickly jumped into action.

Quite the dream team up.

They all roly polied into their own ball and proceeded to mash into the pill bug, beating it into smithereens. It helped that every time Captain America rolled up, a blast of shield shaped light shot out of him, which I imagine tends to frighten pill bugs. It certainly frightened me. And it let the band crush the bugs and live on to rock another day.

As I said, this occurred during one of the most glorious dreams on record. Even better than one where undeniable forces of darkness invaded my soul and sucked out my ability to live or think rationally. In that one, I lived as a shell of a human, in an eternity of dark depressingness... it was much better than that nightmare.

But that is the extent of the dream, and it might leave more questions than answers, I'll attempt to tackle some of those questions right now.

The first one is obviously “... what?... No, seriously... what?” While that's a very question, you should really be asking a different one of the five W's—how. As in “... how?... No, seriously... how?” Well, once this blog post gains traction, I'm certain all of those pseudo-quasi-celebrities will have to give in to the people's demands and unite as a band and fighter of crime.

Another question—“Why is Missy Elliott in this band?” Well, I know absolutely nothing about who Missy Elliott is. The only reason I could identify her is when she came into the dream, the neon lights behind her (also dream supplied) flashed “Missy Elliott!” As a result, she added nothing to the band, much like her contributions in “The Traveling Wilburys.” So it's really because my subconscious hates me and wants to confuse me. Yet I will still honor her contributions (her Roly Poly get up looked near the best, definitely top 4 in the band).

The final question you probably have is “What can we call this awesome band of awesome?” Well, I think you just answered your own question right there.

So Awesome Band of Awesome, the ball is in your court now. Please do realize I have a dream and you're the ones who can make it happen. I don't care if this only comes together in anime or See n' Say form, this needs to come to fruition. Please make it happen.

Almost in Double Jeopardy Meeting Jeopardy Champion

Answer: Ken Jennings.

Question: Who is the multi-millionaire Jeopardy champion who I met while at the beach?

Correct! $2000 coming your way.

But wait, there's more to this Jeopardy answer. Several weeks before that fated beach excursion, I was on the sales floor at Target. I helped someone carry out their patio furniture when I saw a vaguely Jeopardy-champion-shaped-blob off in the distance. Although the sighting lasted roughly three seconds, I knew I spotted greatness.

I'll take Jeopardy Stalkers for $600, Alex.

 

And that greatness caused me to start freaking out and doing some sort of weird convulsion. The patio-furniture-person raised an eyebrow, so I needed to explain the greatness we just encountered.

“Do you ever watch Jeopardy?” I asked in a one-word chunk.

“Not really... why?” the slightly bored looking middle aged housewife responded with slightly less enthusiasm than I exhibited.

“Because I think we just saw Ken Jennings!” For some reason, this met a bored silence. “... You know, the guy... who won like 2.7 million dollars on Jeopardy...”

“... ooooooh, well, that's cool, I guess... but how'd you know it was him?

“Well obviously, I watched his run on the show, and I read his book and of course check out his blog.”

“You read his book... you're not some kind of geek, are you?'

I could not respond to that. All conversation effectively ended at that point. I didn't even offer her a “Do you want this gazebo to not scratch your bumper?” I just did.

However, merely letting my “interaction” be three seconds long wouldn't suffice. I went on Ken's blog and got his email address. I asked him if that was indeed him at that Target on that day. He quickly responded that it was him, because he needed to buy LEGOs, because his kid was going to a birthday party.

Success! Case closed. I had seen greatness. But most Targets are not located on beaches, and that leads to part two of the story.

About three weeks after that incident, I rode my bike around town. I initially planned to ride along the prostitute-strewn area of Seattle, but you know what they say about those ladies when in heat—avoid. Instead, I went to a local beach.

Seconds after parking my bike and treading over roughly 10 feet of sand, I looked to my right and once again saw the "Brainiac," the "Maphead," the KenJen. Of course, I did recognize him, but it couldn't be him. He had appeared in public and nobody mobbed the man who made Jeopardy interesting to watch. He merely just sat there, with his family. A guy sitting next to him didn't even cast a sidelong glance at the terror of Alex Trebek.

Between the two people in this picture, we've won over
$3 million on Jeopardy

Practicing the same reserve I displayed three weeks beforehand, I freaked out again. Luckily I could pawn it off as excitement for the beach (ooooh, cold water!). But I couldn't convince myself to go up to him. Sure we had corresponded, but it seemed like such a different world when Ken Jennings was just hanging out on a public beach with his family.

It took numerous unanswered texts to my friends to find out if I should go up to him to get me to go up to him. As anyone who did watch his run should know, he was incredibly cool. He had no problem letting me take a picture with him or giving me 14 percent of his winnings, which he just happened to have in his wallet.

Well, that last part didn't happen, but at least I walk away with a story and an amazing picture.